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Holy Roman

by The Cannonball Story

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1.
Christmas Diner Intro (free) 01:24
Instrumental
2.
I'm Just Joe (free) 02:34
GUY WITH A MEGAPHONE (WHO FOR SOME REASON IS AT A PUNK SHOW): Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for... JOE ROMAN! JOE ROMAN: I'm just Joe I don't know 'bout much 'cept playing guitar I just go Where I go And I get byHhow I get by Living on the margins has advantages It's the only way I keep my sanity I don't want no mutilation I support education I don't need no corporate backer I'm half try-hard and half slacker I'm just Joe I make dough Not much But enough to get by I don't know Where I'll go But I know I'm gonna be fine Chorus repeat
3.
MAXIMUS ROMAN: I'm bending over backwards I'm a champion of independence I try to help the little guy I smile, smile smile So don't take it personal It's just a business decision ... Did I mention I have black friends? I am the Roman Empire I am the Roman Empire I am the Roman Empire I am the Roman Empire I am the Roman Empire? I am the Roman Empire! No, you don't get it, I am the Roman Empire Like, I AM the Roman Empire I--that's me--I'm the Roman Empire. Hey, man, I'm confused too Just a poor little CEO But you know how it goes I'm just like you--except I work a little harder I can afford to be nice I've got your balls in a vice I've got all this clout, So come on: Let me help you out. I am the Roman Empire I am the Roman Empire I am the Roman Empire I am the Roman Empire I, I am the Roman Empire I am the Roman Empire I--that's me--myself--that's me, I am the Roman Empire I, I, I am the Roman Empire
4.
No, Actually... (free) 01:38
JOE ROMAN: You seem nice maybe you're with it No, actually... you're a piece of shit I thought maybe we could click No, actually... you're a piece of shit I know I sound judgmental when I judge your way of thinking But Something in the way you live your life just looks so empty Don't Even get me started on the casual douchebaggery You're the type of person who treats a waitress awful You sound like you know some stuff No, actually... you're a piece of shit I thought maybe you were tough No, actually... you're a piece of shit Chorus repeat
5.
America... I Want It (free) 04:05
DISEMBODIED VOICES: America... MAXIMUS ROMAN: I want it! MAXIMUS ROMAN: How dare you turn me down! I could've helped you out! You've hurt me the last time! I'll sacrifice you to the bottom line! I hope you like your states Orwellian Cuz I'm about to make a dystopia It's time for me to call in a favor Have you met my friend America? MAXIMUS ROMAN (Voice Over): America, it's nothing personal I respect the freedoms that you gave my business But now that I've outgrown your use I'm afraid it's time for you to go
6.
Destroy The Music (free) 03:01
SHOOTY MCSHOOTFACE, CAPTAIN OF THE ROBOT ARMY: You cannot fight the system We are the evil robots We have galactic missiles We come to kill your guitars If you try to resist us We'll rip you into pieces Maximus is our master We follow every order REPORTER: I'm, I'm, I'm reporting. I'm in the streets. There are robots... robots with missiles! The missiles... They're shooting missiles at guitars! No guitar is safe! ROBOT CHORUS: Destroy, destroy the music Destroy, destroy the music Punk rock has no utility Destroy, destroy the music SHOOTY MCSHOOTFACE, CAPTAIN OF THE ROBOT ARMY: You cannot fight the system We're here to rig it We have the big guns Think of the children We make things much safer We stop the danger Let us be your eyes Homogenize REPORTER: Hi, there, so actually I misreported last week. It turns out the robots are super friendly and just want us to be nice and normal to each other. And they definitely don't wanna shoot me, please don't do it, PLEASE DON'T DO IT! Repeat chorus
7.
Running With Axes (free) 02:00
Instrumental
8.
JOE ROMAN: You can buy your drones But you cannot buy our lives You can shoot our guitars But you cannot shoot our minds [sic] You can have your surface world We'll take the underground Fill the sky with missiles But You'll hear Our sound I'm just some guy named Joe But I'm the best hope that you've got If you follow me I will teach you how to rock They can have their surface world We'll take the underground The sky is filled with missiles But There's still Our sound JOE'S HOLY ROMAN TABERNACLE CHOIR: If you're feeling down 'bout how the world is blowing up Raise your middle finger, then your others, and then clap Honestly, our enemy is every kind of suck Some day we'll destroy him if he don't destroy himself JOE ROMAN & HIS UNDERGROUND ROCKERS: You can buy your drones But you cannot buy our lives You can shoot our guitars But you cannot shoot our minds [sic] You can have your surface world We'll take the underground Fill the sky with missiles But You'll hear Our sound Chorus repeat
9.
JOE ROMAN & THE ARMY OF THOSE WHO CARE: You... Cannot... Controlllllllllllll........ Us... We... Are not... Your Roooooooooooooobots... You... Cannot... Controlllllllllllll........ Us... We... Are not... Your Roooooooooooooobots... We're the army Of those who care Try to stop us If you dare We don't need you In our plan You're a coward And a businessman You... Cannot... Controlllllllllllll........ Us... We... Are not... Your Roooooooooooooobots... You... Cannot... Controlllllllllllll........ Us... We... Are not... Your Roooooooooooooobots... Repeat chorus
10.
Instrumental
11.
Metal v. Metal (free) 02:22
MAXIMUS ROMAN: I am Maximus And I am ready to fight I've got my metal suit and it fits really nice! JOE ROMAN: I am Joe the messiah And I am also ready to fight My guitar is metaphorically metal And it gets really louuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuud!!! MAXIMUS ROMAN: I am Maximus And I just won the fight Next time ditch the guitar And maybe try a gun Now I'm gonna shoot you With my quarktrino blaster gun It will atomize you And also kill you really good
12.
Running Into Time (free) 01:54
13.
Victory for Music (free) 02:50
PHIL, THE INTERDIMENSIONAL HISTORIAN: It was a battle of time A battle of spaces A battle of swords And a battle of maces! A battle of fools A battle of sages And the winner 'twas rock In. All. It's. Ages. ROCK! JOE ROMAN: Well, I've been across time And I've been across space And Maximus Is in his place And I've rocked with cavemen And Egyptians Man those cats really Know how to dance I rocked with Napoleon And with Mongolians They sure liked that Black metal And I rocked on Earth And I rocked on Mars And I saw the future And it is ours! CHOIR OF ANGELS: Victory for music! Victory for rock & roll! Victory for good taste! Victory for soul! JOE ROMAN: Well, I've been across time and I've been across space And Maximus Was just a waste And I rolled with Beethoven And Tupac The two of them Really got along And I jammed with Apollo And I jammed with Zeus They were partial To "Gin And Juice" And I jammed on Earth And I jammed on Mars And I saw the future And it is ours! Chorus repeat
14.
JOE/MAXIMUS ROMAN, REVERTING TO A NATAL, UNDIFFERENTIATED STATE: I am turning Into two people And one of them is righteous And one of them is evil One of them makes money And one does what he wants And neither one is happy But they pretend that they are And the rich one wants coolness While the poor one wants power And they're both so jealous Of each other Yeah, the rich one wants coolness While the poor one wants power And they're both so jealous Of each other JOE ROMAN II: But let's avoid a false equivalence Maximus, you're still a piece of shit I am not a perfect guy But I didn't destroy the entire world Yeah, I'll admit, I don't mind money or power But I'm not gonna get them by being an asshole You can say you earned your way But you treat people like property And that's not something that I can stand for You're a type of social cancer You do your thing when no one's looking Destroy the stuff once was good So you have my pity, but not my fear I'll see you Max in 30 years We'll do it again to the same result And when you lose it'll be your fault Cuz your idea of independence Is predicated on oppression But some day the people you boss around Will leave you on your own to drown And you can say that you're self-made Well, whoop-de-doo--throw a parade! Have you seen the internet? Some things that people make are shit You make money, but you don't make value Nothing that you do is helpful You have no creativity You just make people miserable Pretend to be happy Pretend to be smart Pretend you've got a working heart But deep down we both know the truth So let me end with FUCK YOU! JOE ROMAN MMXVI: A new story every generation Rock & roll through the millennia Some heroes become what they despised Pass the torch to the new ones rising
15.
Instrumental

about

The fifth Cannonball Story album. Parody of/tribute to the story concept albums of the 70s/80s.

Originally, there was a synopsis here, but that's no fun--the whole point of a prog concept album is that you SHOULDN'T be able to understand the story.

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released December 10, 2016

Created by The Cannonball Story

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The Cannonball Story Harrisburg, Pennsylvania

The Cannonball Story plays ukulele pop. It defines "ukulele" pretty liberally.

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